Heart Your Package

1. “Low” or “non-fat” foods are ridiculous. They just add more crazy ass chemicals. I’d rather be “fat” than have some neurological disease, thanks.

2. Protein shakes are not food. I am no Ahnold (no love child either, at least not that I know of).  Protein powder is not designed to replace several meals a day in my world and honestly I really kind of like the sensation of chewing.

3. Food should be about enjoyment and pleasure with a side of fuel. I want to eat foods I love in amounts that satisfy me, not stuff me.

4. There are no outsider rules or restrictions allowed in my food dogma. If you tell me I can’t have a certain food, my inner rebel goes all ape shit and wants to kick your ass. Honestly, it is totally out of my control. Restrictions needs to be on my terms because they feel best for my body and health. (or wallet cause damn that smoked salmon and goat cheese gets expensive!)

5. To the best of my ability, food should not be used as a way to regularly numb myself. (pints of Ben & Jerry’s after a break up most certainly excluded)

6. I really love bacon.

7. and avocados. (and bacon).

8. Food fights gross me out in a kooky kind of OCD way (even when they are just on tv). My family thought it would be funny to let my son “go at” his birthday cake on his 1st birthday as per some weird ass “baby covered in cake and icing is hilarious” tradition. He was covered from head to toe and it gives me the heebee jeebies just thinking about it. Ugggghhhh.

9. If I am in tune with and listening closely to my body it wants whole, unprocessed foods. I am not always in tune and listening to my body.

10. If I were hanging out on my last night on death row, my final meal would be maple glazed wild salmon with jasmine rice, lemon aioli and spinach salad with goat cheese. (oh and Ryan Reynolds for dessert please…if it’s not too much trouble).

11. I was an extremely picky eater as a child. (allergies, textures and the like) and I pretty much lived on mashed potatoes, pork chops, celery and twice daily heaping bowls of no name brand vanilla ice cream from the 4 L tub. This caught up to me (and my ass) in high school. Don’t ask me where my mother was in all of this.

12. I’m starting to waver but I’m still mostly in the camp that believes fruit does not belong on pizza.

13. I understand that quinoa is a super food but I still don’t want to eat it. (This may be subject to change, after all 2012 is supposed to be the end of the world as we know it and my world as I know it currently has no quinoa). I’ll keep you posted.

14. Soda pop is evil. (that includes you, Vitamin Water. I’m onto you).

15. Coffee and I have an on again, off again relationship but it seems to work well for us, so why question it.

16. I’m allergic to nuts and the smell of peanut butter makes me want to vomit which I guess is kind of a good feature to have.

17. I don’t drink milk. (unless you count my latte, which I guess I really should).

18. I drink a bit of milk.

19. Nothing cures a hangover like a Sausage McMuffin. There I said it.

20. Best meal ever: Nobu restaurant in Mailbu. Fruit infused Sake and $1000 for four people. Worth every penny. I didn’t pay.

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